Sometimes when someone comes to me seeking help in meeting someone, I give them opposite the advice they are expecting. I tell them while we are working together, at least initially, they should take a break from dating altogether. We need to take the focus off pursuing someone, and into attracting people to themselves. It’s important to reflect on why past relationships didn’t work, what their role was in the downfall of the relationship. It is also crucial to define what, exactly, you are looking for, while taking extreme self-care along the way. Once you turn your focus around and begin fine-tuning what you are looking for and what you are not looking for, things will begin to click. Here are some things to focus on:

1. Make room

If you truly want to attract someone into your life, you need to make room for it. Take a look at your life right now. Are you so busy with work and obligations, that you are sending a signal that you are not available for a relationship? Even if this is not a conscious choice, you need to adjust your life so that you have room to nurture a relationship. Make bringing someone into your life a priority. Cut back on responsibilities or tasks that don’t mean something to you.

2. Create your ideal mate

I have had many clients perform this exercise and create astonishing results. I would like you to get out a sheet of paper and write exactly what your perfect partner would look like. I am referring to personality traits, physical characteristics, values, and likes. Do not just write “tall, dark and handsome”. That is extremely general. Try to fill the paper with the attributes that are the most important to you. Most of my clients tuck this paper away or forget about it altogether until someone special comes into their life. Then they ‘happen’ to find the paper and are blown away by the comparisons. Some of my clients have attracted a partner that has every one of their requirements, minus one or two. They don’t realize that they attracted that person to themselves once they put that intention out there.

3. Get involved

Ok…you’ve made room and written your list, and he or she still has not magically appeared? Well, instead of “waiting” for this person to make their way into your life, get engaged in life and put it out of your mind. Sign up for activities you enjoy. Go to social engagements. Try new things that are a bit out of your comfort zone. By getting involved in activities that you enjoy, you are naturally going to surround yourself with like-minded individuals. You never know who will know someone, who will open doors for you, or what will happen when you begin to enjoy your life again.