Discovering the Courage Within


Christopher Columbus needed courage. So did Lance Armstrong when he defeated cancer and captured the Tour de France in 1999. History is littered with courageous acts and courageous people. You don’t have to be a world-class explorer or professional cyclist to have courage. Everybody needs it, but how do you get it, especially when you’re like the lion before he discovered the Wizard of Oz?  As the lion had to learn, courage exists inside of you. You just have to dredge it up after years of burying it behind your safety zones.

The Inborn Courage in You

Everyone was born with courage. You may not remember learning how to walk, but you know you fell hundreds of times before you stood on your own. Learning to walk took courage. And you succeeded because you had little fear or doubt. Eventually, that changed. Parents and other caregivers told you to be careful, to avoid dangers. Society, after all, values comfort over fulfillment. We’ve been exposed to a barrage of messages that discourage us from being courageous.

Your Adversity Quotient

As you grew up, you patterned your response to adversity on how people around you responded to difficulty. This reaction to adversity is known as the adversity quotient (AQ).
As a baby, your AQ is untested. By the time you’re 12, thanks to your environment and situations you’ve faced, you’ve developed your AQ. The higher your AQ, the better you’re able to summon courage and tap your greatness in times of need. Fortunately, your AQ can be strengthened.

Courage as a Necessity

Why do you need courage? Because courage will help you live your life the way you want. Courage is learning to overcome fear, and when you do that, you grow. Today, courage is needed more than ever before. Studies show that 98% of people predicted more difficulty, chaos and uncertainty in their lives in the future. Ten years ago, the average number of challenges people faced in a day was seven. Today, that number has risen to 23.

Linda Larsen, author of True Power, knows firsthand the power of courage. Over 20 years ago, she was kidnapped, raped and held hostage for over five hours. She summoned courage she didn’t know she had and escaped. “My courage didn’t let me down,” she says. “Once you know courage is always in you, you can start learning to act more courageously in life.”

Obstacles to Becoming Braver

There are, though, things that stand between you and your courageous self. Here is a list of the following obstacles:
. Fear of change. Learning how to be less controlled by your fears is one key to becoming more courageous.
. Either-or-thinking. You may think of yourself as a wimp and others as courageous, but there has to be a middle ground. You can live in a comfort zone, but you have to be willing to be courageous when it counts.
. Fear of failure. Failure is an important part of success, and being courageous involves being willing to fail at times.
. Lack of faith. Identify your self-doubt, so that you can act more courageously.
. Personal fears. These are fears such as fear of taking responsibility for your life; fear of self-discovery; fear of losing control; fear of moving forward; and fear of making the wrong decision. Know that you are bigger than your fears. Follow your instincts, and if doubts emerge, shove them aside.

Finding Courage in Times of Need

You draw courage from what matters to you. The changes you’re willing to make are the ones that have the greatest significance. For example, if you’ve been offered a job that will force you to move across the country but you don’t care about the job, you’ll have a hard time finding courage to make the move. Once you’ve decided what matters, then follow these suggestions for becoming more courageous.
. Recall previous times when you acted courageously. Did you move as a child and have to make new friends? Did you go away to college? Focusing on times when you acted courageously will instill more courage in you, adding that you should also applaud yourself for showing courage.
. Shift your focus. Don’t worry about failing or disappointing other people, Larsen says. Worry instead about failing yourself.
. Eliminate the words “wish,” “hope” and “maybe” from your vocabulary. These words erode your courage by filling you with doubt, fear or hesitation.
. Do your homework. If appropriate, know the obstacles you might encounter. Talk with other people who were once in your shoes. But, remember that no matter how much you analyze the situation, you’ll still have unknown answers. Courage doesn’t mean waiting to act until you have no fear. Courage means living with heart and doing what you want when you’re scared.
. Surround yourself with courageous people. There will always be people who say never. Find people who support and believe in you.
. Imagine what life will be like when your challenge has passed. Courage can come from seeing past adversity and knowing that although it may be horrible now, it’ll get better sometime.
. Give it your all but don’t expect perfection. Don’t give only 50%; then you can say later that you didn’t succeed because you weren’t trying that hard. To find courage, you must be willing to give 100%.
. Once you’ve acted with courage, assess your response. Did acting with courage move you forward? If not, figure out how you would behave differently next time. If so, then bottle that courage, reward yourself, and always remember this time when you acted with courage in spite of your fears.


Communication 101……Stop and Listen

How many times in your past can you recall getting upset with someone, which turned into an argument and you were left with nothing resolved? It is natural to want to express your thoughts and concerns when you feel wronged. However, it is less natural to genuinely listen to the other person’s point of view. Practicing healthy communication and listening skills is vital in all relationships. It takes practice to stop and listen when all you want is to get your point across. Everyone wants to be heard, genuinely heard, when expressing feelings. When you approach someone from the “I” standpoint instead of the “you” standpoint, it changes the dynamic completely. Take responsibility for your own actions and feelings and this will lessen the likelihood of defenses going up. Start today by creating relationships built on respect for one another. Again, it is ok and completely valid to be upset with someone, the way you approach the situation can make a huge difference in the outcome.

  1. Make a list

Make a list of all the people you would like to improve your relationships with. Take ownership and responsibility for what you bring to the relationship. Instead of the “blame game,” try approaching the situation with an open mind, resulting in a solution. Practice responding instead of reacting.

  1. Stop and listen

Next time you get upset with someone, be prepared to stop and really listen to what they have to say. Before jumping the gun and overreacting, take a deep breath and prepare how you want to approach the situation. Envision the end result in a positive manner with both parties being able to express everything without blame. Begin to practice the art of really listening. Take time to stop and really hear what the other person has to say.

  1. Remember how it feels

Remember how it feels when you’ve been genuinely heard and understood? It is difficult to get upset when you feel understood, when there is little blame and more understanding of each other’s point of view.