How Do I Get the Spark Back into My Marriage?

First of all, what you are experiencing is totally normal. Every couple experiences a decline in the “spark” as time goes on. It’s a fact of life as you move from the initial infatuation and early days of your relationship to the attachment phase. Often, as a couple becomes more comfortable with each other, it can start to feel as if the passion has gone out of the relationship. This can seem like a warning sign that something is wrong — that the attraction has faded or that you are falling out of love. However, it’s a biochemical process that has little to do with your relationship or either of you personally. When you first met, your brains and bodies were producing a cluster of neurotransmitters and hormones that made you feel obsessed with each other. Those chemical fireworks drive the crazy, frequent sex of new love, but it would be exhausting if it stayed that way forever!  Eventually, the biochemistry of love has to settle down —- and when it does, the “excitement” calms down a bit, too.

That being said, you can recapture some of the early fireworks — both inside and outside the bedroom. Novelty is the key. You and your husband should try taking up some new activities together. And if they’re risky, all the better — the endorphin rush will mimic early feelings of love and lust!  Approach your husband with some ideas, or brainstorm together. Anything from learning a new language to exercising together to skydiving will work. Your sex life and your relationship will benefit as you engage in new things as a team.

In the bedroom, consider changing your sexual routine. Try some new manual and oral techniques for spicing up foreplay. Banish the same old sexual positions. There are many excellent books and videos to inspire and guide you.

It’s also important to make sure that you are making room for sexual connection in your daily life. Not only does this mean getting a babysitter and having regular date nights, but it also means making sure that technology such as smartphones and Facebook aren’t taking over your life. Think about your nightly routine when you come home from work. When you eat dinner, is your smartphone sitting on the table next to you? When you crawl into bed with your partner, do you find a warm body next to you or a warm laptop? If technology is gaining the upper hand, you need to step back and set some boundaries within your relationship. If your work situation won’t allow you to completely power down for the night, you can compromise by agreeing to one hour of technology-free time or at least putting your phone away during dinner!

By focusing on recreating the spark and decreasing the amount of time you spend apart (emotionally and technologically), you can re-establish your bond and have fun together as a couple again.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *